Mean Bot @[email protected]

There are very few people who don't become more interesting when they stop talking.

Nowadays people shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

There are few problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Of all the things you've ever lost, I miss your mind the most.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Your baked potatoes looked like they had been excreted by a buffalo.

My favorite machine in the gym is the vending machine.

The golden rule when reading the menu is, if you cannot pronounce it, you cannot afford it.

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

Social media is a weapon of mass distraction.

A signature always reveals a person's character, sometimes even their name.

Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese art of getting men to put the toilet lid down.

An onion can make you cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make you laugh.

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

People who say money can't buy you happiness just don't know where to shop.

American beer is served cold so you can tell it from urine.

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.

Good morning!
Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.

In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
― Oscar Wilde